Does this make me look American?

I've been staying with a friend in Chicago who is in a somewhat similar situation as I am. She is not American, she moved here for college (with me on the east coast) and since then has lived in two major cities (one obviously here and the other on the west coast) and at least four different apartments. She's now feeling the itch to leave Chicago for various reasons . . . but partially it is because she is bored with it and just doesn't feel at home.

You can see that we have a similar rootlessness. We had a long discussion about it and I will attempt to summarize the major points here. She also shares my fear that I will never find a place to stay for a long period of time, plant roots if you will. She has also noticed that most other people don't seem to have this problem. I myself have watched many friends be adventurous . . . and then stop, or head back to their home towns and seem to never leave again (even for vacations!). I can count on one hand the number of people I know well enough and know that they are similarly constantly moving and don't have a "home" that they are living in or aiming to live in. I initially tended to assume that there are more people out there like me, that i'm just not seeing, and that it is a side affect of our global society that provides these sorts of opportunities (perhaps forces them at times - like relocating for a job that moves HQs). I don't know that I like that construct though -  it makes me feel like a casualty of society.

Together we came up with a different hypothesis - that yes, there have always been people that stay in their same home area, and there are those that move long distances and then make roots there (ie. immigrants), but there have always been people like traveling salesmen . . . that live on the road and make their life where they are. Which is kind of how I feel - I miss people from places I have lived before, and there is a special place in my heart for the valley I grew up in, but I really haven't missed a place or a larger community in awhile - not like some of my friends who seem to mention their "homes" longingly several times a week. This construct isn't perfect either - but it makes me feel like I am a more rare personality type, rather then weird or somehow unable to find my "home."

I don't know that this conversation helped me get closer to deciding if I want to pursue Canadian citizenship - it definitely made me concerned that I will get bored with Canada and want to move on before I get through the process though. I'm also not yet ready to give up my desire to find some place to root, but conflictingly, when wanderlust strikes again I don't think I will be able to turn it down . . .

This week has been a busy one. I took my first trip (since I moved here) to Toronto and got to see a bunch of people! It was so comforting to see people who have known me for more then 2 months - and at the same time incredibly unsettling. Since I hadn't seen anyone in person since I moved here it was shocking to realize how much I had changed while I hung out with them. Being here has changed me faster then I expected, but to be honest, as much as it was great to see them and to feel like part of the company again, I was really looking forward to going home to Waterloo by Thursday morning. This is not to say that I don't want my friends to come visit me or move here (hint, hint!), I think it just means that in the end, despite how miserable I was to leave everyone, I made the right choice for me, with the right timing.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, my new friends were covering for me in my absence. Not that I had much doubt, but they are turning into excellent friends and i'm looking forward to all the adventures we have planned in the coming weeks (did I mention October is going to be crazy??? I might not be in town for a full week until November!).

My second largest hope for the TO trip was to not have to think about my nationality for a few days  (since i'd be hanging with Americans). This turned out to be an incredibly false hope since my nationality was in my face more then ever. It became clear to me that after this experience I am going to have trouble "being an american" again .. . . but i'm not yet sure I want to pursue being Canadian. Kind of a pickle . . . that does have some time to work itself out. But I really do want to settle somewhere and feel at home. Unfortunately, as much as I try to downplay its importance, my national identity is a factor in how I feel at home in a place. Hopefully time will reveal more cards and my choice will become easier.

So I now have my first visitor in Waterloo! Which I will write about once she leaves, but after this glut of visiting/visitor I probably won't see anyone I know from the states until mid December. Feast and famine but what can you do. I feel like I see America more then I see the people I care about in it. Niagara falls back in Sept, the southernmost tip of Canada (and possibly Detroit) next week, who knows after that!