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My thoughts can't seem to settle themselves, so i've decided to share them here, in the hopes they will become clearer if I have to communicate them.

I'm going back to the states next week. It will be the first time back to familiar places and people* since my latest move. I always dread the first time back to familiar places after I make major moves. Every time I visit there are changes, of course, but after moves the changes in myself are always much more significant and usually quite jarring in ways I don't expect. This transition to Canada/Grad School/Smaller City/Town has changed me in visible ways I can see even in the new environment with little to reference. The fact that I travel back with a busted ankle is just icing on the cake.

So I'm starting to feel quite apprehensive about going back to the states for the break. None the less, I need a break from this place. My busted ankle is infuriating and frustrating constantly - though at least it doesn't wake me up in pain in the middle of the night anymore. The weather has been rainy, chilly and just downright dreary. My work has been slow and unsatisfying. Finally, it has become clear how little my friends know me here even after a few months (I know, I know, good friends take time, but it would be nice to have someone around that can read my emotions and act accordingly). It is odd, I expected to be so wrapped up in it like at Wellesley and I was for a while - but instead I feel like I did the last winter break there . . . .like I am just bracing myself and holding my breath until I escape. Too bad I won't be leaving the way I did that semester - picked up by brothers for a fun road trip westward . :) So yes, definitely need a break from everything here (I hesitate to say Canada, because Canada is more then this, but it is simpler in my head), and maybe some snow.

More to come I think, once my brain has a chance to tumble over the rest of it some more.

*excluding MI since I had never been there before and coworkers that came to see me in October but I will not see them this trip :(

One of the headlines below the fold of the local paper today: "Obama's 'pardoned' turkey has roots in Kitchener"

Yes, that is right, the great grand parents of the turkey on TV in DC were born in Canada. Why is this news? The turkey isn't even a "first-generation immigrant"!

I wasn't going to post again this weekend, but then this gem came up in my news feed:

It's all a matter of perspective

The fact that one American historian admitting something that Canadians all know to be true is news shows how truly insecure they are about their identity. Think about an American equivalent: Someone in Britain admits that the American Revolution did not advance the British agenda one bit, in fact they had to rework it afterwards. This is something I have concluded from my many semesters of American History (please correct me if your non-1776 heavy history lessons from outside New England came to a different conclusion). And from what I hear from Canadians, the fact they won the war of 1812 is similarly hammered into their heads in History lessons from an early age.

So if someone told you that a British historian admitted the above in a book, what would your reaction be?

It is another rainy day here - when by all rights it should be a snowy one. So I leave you with this picture, which I think fits the ridiculousness of weather in the 50s in late November. I took it a couple of weeks ago in the park near my apartment:

Thin Ice

My budget got exploded last week - due to varying causes (oddly enough, busting my ankle is not a significant contributor - that has directly cost me less then $50 so far). So I have been budgeting, and trying to make the math work so I can enjoy the holidays. Side note: I might be regretting giving up a full time job just a little bit right now. :)

As part of this I managed to finally figure out how to see my pay stubs for TAing. Besides all the money they are deducting now that I won't see again until I get it back after I submit my taxes, there was one interesting item. You would think that as a student employee vacation wouldn't be in residence on my pay check. There is indeed no way I qualify to accrue any sort of leave, let along vacation time. However, I can still accrue something called vacation PAY. Yes, that is right, for some unknown reason the government requires employers to pay their employees 4% of their gross wages in addition to their gross wages in the form of Vacation Pay. Those that actually qualify for vacation usually get it in a lump sum just before they take their vacation - I get it in a small amount every week. Yes, that is right, I get a 4% bonus just for existing. And so does everyone else - so you have to assume that employers take that into account when setting salaries. So it isn't a bonus after all? Still can't wrap my mind around the fact that the employer pays you an amount that specifically goes towards your vacation (away from your job)!!!

Today was our local Santa Claus parade - I went to enjoy it along with all the small children in the area. Before the pictures - though you may think it is the same as an American Thanksgiving parade because it is filled with floats, bands, local groups, and politicians with Santa at the end - you would be WRONG! They are different because the WHOLE THING is christmas themed. In short, it was fantastic.

( Christmas time is here! )

This week has been tumultuous. As you can imagine, on crutches, I spend a lot of time worrying about transport and actually getting from place to place. I also spent a significant amount of time visiting various medical professionals, and actually doing school work (imagine that!). So today I had had enough. I was sick of feeling trapped by the crutches, sick of people treating me different because I was using them, and sick of everything that I could actually do being such a hassle.

Long story short, i'll be paying for my choices in pain tomorrow. But I feel like I got some pride and independence back, so that's something.

I also had an interesting discussion with my classmate/office mate about his choice to immigrate to Canada. His choice is completely different from mine - he has a wife and a daughter and has lived far more of his life then I have - but it was interesting to hear his rational. He actually thinks he made his life not as good for himself and his wife - they both left behind high paying jobs (and easier access to family) to move here where they can't find a job, so they are each pursuing a second masters. The catch is, he thinks the life for his daughter is better - better schooling, better healthcare, better long term opportunities. Obviously time will tell, and it gives me something to think about . . . though my situation is a bad job market in both locations! Perhaps I should try further afield? Kidding . . . . .

There is nothing to make you feel more dependent then suddenly finding yourself physically broken. Those of you who know me know that one of the things I am proud to a fault about is my independence. I find it very difficult to ask for help for things I should be able to do myself (even things as small as opening jars!). Well, i'm on crutches and can't put my entire weight on my left leg, and need to put in significant effort each day so my ankle doesn't resemble a balloon by the end of it. I need help.

Intellectually, of course, I know I am dependent on other people everyday to live the way I do - I just don't see them and don't have to admit that I need their help to live my lifestyle. I also know that despite my fiercely independent mental attitude, if I carry it through as much as possible it ends in a lesser quality of life then if I rely on others for some things. I've even put effort in previous years to consciously doing things that will require me to ask for help - exercising that muscle if you will so it is stronger when I find I need it.

Well, right now I need it. I am not at Wellesley, there is no rides list or dining hall, I have no car, and I really only have one functional leg. Everything here is very non-handicap accessible (their ADA equivalent only was passed in 1995 - long after the building I work in saw it's last major renovation) and frankly i'm not very good on crutches - if I break concentration for a split second (which is pretty much my constant state of being so it happens frequently) the rhythm is broken and at best energy is lost - at worst I tumble. So yes, I need my friend's (and strangers) help to get to and from campus (though I can make it on crutches it is exhausting and takes like 20 minutes), to get coffee/food at campus, and to carry things for me. Additionally they are being helpful in supplying me with movies and things to get me to stay put as much as possible so I don't make it worse.

Honestly, everyone here has been wonderful - even the complete strangers (even those on buses!) that go out of their way to open doors for me or go slowly behind me on the stairway (without brushing past) when the elevator is out of service or non-existent. My friends have been even better - changing plans so that I can still make it, offering to do grocery runs, and transporting me when they can, walking with me when they can't. It has been a serious effort to be gracious - especially when I am exhausted and in pain - but I think I have been successful so far. This might be a catalyst to bring me to that next notch of comfort in living here. Maybe this time I won't go stir crazy and crutch into the woods?

Probably not - you have no idea how much I want to go dancing or even bike riding right now. It is so hard to do what is right in the long run at the expense of short run enjoyment!

So we are hitting crunch time for the term - since there is no thanksgiving break to anticipate in a couple of weeks we are pretty much on full steam ahead until the last class on the 1st and the last assignment about a month from now. Though I am falling into some undergrad bad habits (sugar, erratic sleep schedule) i'm not feeling the pressure like I did in undergrad. Some of it is I have more perspective, and some of it is surely that my time management skills are better, but it also might be because it is all assignments and papers - no exams.

What I am worried about is that I twisted my ankle today - and resting it so it recovers is going to mean a break in physical activity, which is going to drive me to further bad habits because I can't get endorphins and the rest my normal way. Boo. To be fair, twisting my ankle was the only negative thing today - the rest was awesome: home from campus before 10am, nap, hosting a dinner party, climbing . . . . good times.

It isn't like I forget that i'm in Canada . . . I just sometimes I slip into old habits without even realizing.

Today I was in the kitchen when some of the bars of the national anthem drifted through the open window (yes it is shockingly that warm here) and it was quite a while before I realized I was trying to fit the wrong (american) set of words to it in my head.

Then I switched to the Canadian words and the song was much easier to fit to the music. :)

You will notice there are no red leafs here - not even the ones falling from the trees.

The first photo is the newest addition to my desk - a tigger figurine! It was give to me by a friend on random act of kindness day (who knew that existed?). Nothing like a Tigger to move your mood in a positive direction

Tigger

The next photo actually has relevance to the last post - It is the sunrise through my office window from the perspective of my desk - obviously prettier in person then on film - sorry!

Sunrise

The last photo is of a Lego Advent Calender. If you don't know what that is, you are missing out! Everyday you get a few more pieces to assemble and in the end you have a whole set/scene. There is a different theme each year. This one is clearly "City." It is difficult to find these in the states (I've tried!) and here it was in bike-able distance! However, it cost $40 which I frankly can't afford to spend on something with only emotional value at this point. So I did not buy it. :( On the plus side it is another indicator that christmas is on it's way!

lego advent

The seasons are definitely on the move here. I increasingly wake to decent frosts and the leaves continue to fall. The continuous grey and rain of two weeks ago (and more!) has finally departed and we are left with primarily cold clear days. It has been years since I lived in a location with this much change to the seasons in Autumn. I find it both soothing and exhilarating. The progression is in some ways predictable and reminds my of my childhood, but yet I am excited every day to wake up and get out and notice the changes from the day before. To feel if the air has changed or the texture of the ground.

Now it just needs to snow! I'm probably going to be like a kid when that happens, it has been too long since I could enjoy snow without working about the logistics of commuting and transit. And I have a new winter coat!!

One obvious change that I will be coping with (despite daylight savings) for the next few months is the later and later rising of the sun. I now regularly watch the sun rise on campus . . . and though it is difficult to get up and ready in the dark, I really find sunrises inspiring and more hopeful than Obama. I might try that goal of seeing every dawn for a year this year - it only lasted a few weeks last time, but maybe I will set my goals to be more manageable this time.

It has been a rough week, but waking up to a frost and a slow, even sunrise makes it so much better.

Halloween the commercialized holiday is much the same in Canada as it is in the US so nothing of interest to report there. I went (to various parties) as a Canadian. I wore a hockey jersey, my winter hat (which acquired some canadian flag themed accessories along the way), jeans, and hiking boots (didn't have anything better). I carried a Timmy's (Tim Horton's for you 'mericans) cup and a stuffed "pet" moose (yes trying to put some whimsy into my stereotyping). I also tried to be as ridiculously nice as everyone here is to me on a regular basis.

Needless to say, I failed at the nice bit for the most part, though I was much nicer then normal (I'm not really a nice person when push comes to shove and you are a stranger, huh?). Otherwise I think the costume worked and it definitely let me let off some steam from all the stereotyping I have to put up with on a daily basis. I also don't think I pissed people off any more then I do on a regular basis as my charming American self :).

In the broader sense, I think I have turned another corner towards really feeling at home here. Circumstances at school are forcing me to think seriously about how long term I want to stay here beyond my degree, and though I definitely haven't made up my mind in any sense, I haven't had nearly as many negatives pop up in my idyllic vision of living here that I created before I arrived as I expected. Christmas will probably force me to think about it some more, but for now I need to knuckle down push through until the end of term . . . . which is only one month away?!?!?

So. People started wearing plastic odd looking poppies. Before I committed another faux pas, I was informed I needed to buy one.

Background knowledge: Remembrance day = Veteran's day that is actually observed by the whole population. So far so good, and I know in the back of my head that poppies have something to do with this observance. The poem that inspired the wearing of poppies was actually written by a Canadian - John McCrae. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_McCrae) Here they wear poppies for the two weeks leading up to the 11th . . . but not beyond. I'm not sure why, but I definitely need to get a poppy. There is also a moment of silence on the actual day that I am going to make sure I actually observe.

Honestly, this seems much better then the half hearted attempt at Veterans Day in the states. Where you don't really get it off and there is no coordinated observance. It's weird, because the perception is that the Americans care more about their veterans . . . but we seem more fair weather supporters . . . we don't really talk about the war dead - we'd rather cheer them on then realize the consequences.

I don't know, this is rolling around in my head right now . . . it might settle into something different.

In the meantime, i'll be finding a poppy to wear - and I did! My friend just gave me one. :)

Last week I was given a fortune from a Chinese fortune cookie: "You tend to draw out the love in others"

On the back there was no Chinese and no lucky numbers, only French.

Last night, I was able to twist everyone's stereotypes to my advantage (finally!). We were playing Apples to Apples at a house party. I had never noticed that the game was so American centric . . . . but what else is new. Everyone was giving me shit for being American . . . . what else is new. . . and then I drew the Americans card. I waited. Then I looked ahead to see Obnoxious coming up in the green cards, so I started to act extra obnoxious and loud. I also let them know I had an awesome card coming up that I was so going to win with. When the time came, I played it. Just my luck, J played a card with a "this one's for you" to me (side note, his card was Hillary Clinton, so fitting) as he put it down. When the cards were turned I made a deal of being outraged at J when my card was turned - it was totally believable that he could play it he didn't deny it, and everyone of course got caught up in it. As the cards got narrowed down and it got closer to Americans I got quiet like I was pissed and everyone bought it. So Americans was selected - I totally owned them all using my not nice American skills!!!

I probably shouldn't feel so good about manipulating the whole situation, but I really, really do.

So i've gotten into climbing here - the timing is interesting. I've always sort of wanted to try climbing, but there were barriers to entry ($, location, no one to belay, etc) even though there has been some outside encouragement to try - but here there is no racquetball, which has been my go to sport for the winter besides yoga. I NEED something to replace it to have any sort of sanity in the winter and squash isn't going to cut it for a while. Here everything costs money, so doing yoga is as expensive as climbing . . . so why not try it?

It turns out climbing is fantastic strength training and decent for flexibility - similar results to yoga (I can feel myself getting stronger each time!) but the method is different - it plays on my stubbornness instead of testing my patience. It frankly is exactly what I need now - everything else is X steps forward, X steps back, through in some confusion and drama for good measure. It's also making me more confident in my balance and body strength in a way I haven't been since I was regularly climbing trees . . . my other activities don't involve falling and failure in the same way climbing does - there isn't as much at risk if I fail at a yoga pose for example compared to reaching for a hold five feet up while bouldering. I'll certainly plateau in climbing (probably soon if the ability of my climbing buddy who is seven inches taller with much more upper body and core strength then me is any guide) and it will become much less of a straight confidence builder, but right now it is an excellent challenge and a sure sign that I am moving forwards in my life.

Hopefully I will have photos of climbing soon - but we need to regularly have a third to take the pictures

Hopefully none of you are having a similar No Good Very Bad Day that I am having so far. To distract me from it I decided to do some of the Canadian Culture homework my friends have assigned me. You know, by then end of this I may actually know more Canadian Culture then American which might be a bit awkward.

Anyway, in honor of my buying insulated winter boots yesterday enjoy this:

So apparently today is "Blogging Action Day" by which I assume they mean Blogging Political Action Day. Since my politics are complex at best right now I am renaming today Blogging Adventure Day (it's good to be the king). The adventure I am expecting you to undertake is simple. Go one step outside of your comfort zone in some way today.

My adventure entailed biking. I haven't been biking in weeks due to poor weather and a crazy schedule. Today the weather was still poor - think late November weather New Englanders (40s, rainy, grey, windy) - in fact I only went biking in worse weather once in Maryland (it was colder, but no breeze and less rain). I was also concerned because my tires and wet leaves are not friends. But I bundled up and got on my bike. I decided to go further down a street I that I accidentally took once when trying to get somewhere else months ago. It had a bike lane, so it probably led to somewhere interesting. Sure enough - there was a community center, another side trail to check out some other time, and a new (probably shorter) path to the St. Jacobs Market! All in all a success - and it felt great being on my bike again.

Your adventure need not resemble a physical adventure. (Though I would be hard pressed to believe it if you protested based on weather reasons :) ) One of my friends here claims he is horrible at all artistic endeavors. His adventure might be to try a medium he hasn't before - or a new type of subject. Hopefully you get the idea.

Please share your adventures - successful or not!

This week I knocked off another US State (Michigan) which makes my total US states visited into the forties. I also visited the southernmost tip of Canada (Point Pelee) (If you don't count the islands). This immediately made me think about visiting the westernmost (BC?), easternmost (New Foundland?) and Northernmost (??? but probably not going to happen) points of this country. How do others cover this country? What measures do they use? I don't know, and they may not be relevant for my needs. Time to start planning my great trans-canadian train journey of 2012!!!

Admittedly, my state count for the US is crude . . . but it is actually something I can make progress towards completing. It's no use making a metric then never making progress with it. But 50 states is a lot more nuanced then the ten provinces and territories would be. (granted I only have 2 of those under my belt so far). Maybe I should make a highlight list? But then I might miss out on the real cultural character that you can't pin down that can only be absorbed away from touristy areas. Maybe I should make it a list of hikes I want to do? Animals/plants/birds I want to see?

While i'm thinking, enjoy a new red leaf sighting from my recent journeys to the wilds of Leamington, ON:

Days Inn Cup

S	M	T	W	T	F	S
						1
2	3	4	5	6	7	8
9	10	11	12	13	14	15
16	17	18	19	20	21	22
23	24	25	26	27	28	29
30	31

Does this make me look American?

Adventures studying in Canada.

Time for reflection . . . . . . and travel

News

News aka what Canadian's value

(Brief) Sunday Photo Post!

Magic Money?

Santa Claus Parade!

I promise the next post will have photos.

How long can you stand on one leg?

Crunch time

Reality Check

(Brief) Sunday Photo Post!

Seasonal change

Halloween!

Remembrance Day aka 11/11

Luck

American Trump Card

Climbing

Amusement for your Tuesday

Blogging Action Day

Nation Exploring Metrics

Profile

December 2012

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